Well it's been ten days since my last post. And eleven days since my last workout.

Good news? My job is going pretty good. Oh, and I've lost another 4 pounds! :-) I think it is the heat and all the water I've been drinking. Which means it's probably more water weight and I will gain it back easily. :-(

Because of the heat, I moved the air conditioner from Little I's room to the living room to keep the downstairs cool (at least cooler than 84 degrees!) so he's been sleeping in my room. Now, that wouldn't really be that bad except that he is a very active sleeper. If I had a video camera with night vision, I'd take a video to show you. Last night, I woke up about 22 times because of him. I can't wait till it gets a little cooler!

Also, since my last post, my grandpa (Little I's PeePaw) went back into the hospital. His tumor had regrown and was blocking his esophagus which lead to him being dehydrated and malnourished. So he had a feeding tube put in (The kind that goes directly into the stomach through his abdomen, bypassing his esophagus). Since he's been able to get food and liquids into his body again,  he is getting stronger and has been started on a new round of chemo (I think it's different than the last time, I don't know). And he came home either yesterday or Thursday. I was at work, so I don't know exactly when... I seem to only find out about things when people find it convenient to tell me or I walk in on a conversation about it. I didn't even know that he got put back in the hospital until two days later.

Anyway, he's doing a lot better as far as I know. And Little I got to talk to him on the phone today.

Well, I have some cleaning/playing/studying for work to do. I have another post already started for tomorrow, or maybe later today if I have time.

Jillian's 30 day shred: Day 5

Uh, nope. Not doing it. In case you don't know, I live in Ohio. We're having a MAJOR heat wave and I am definitely not used to the 90+ degree heat. Nor am I liking the fact that it was 84 degrees in my house when I got home from work. So, no. I am not working out tonight. Instead, I'm drinking a ton of water and calling it good. Whatever.

And we have a predicted high of 97 degrees tomorrow. So tomorrow is not likely either. Oh well. But I'm not giving up.


On another (but connected) topic, I am really over being single. I just want a stable relationship for once in my life. I want someone to come home to at night. Someone who will not only love me, but love Little I as his own. Someone who will listen when I need to rant, and who will trust me to listen when he needs to rant. I just want love and stability. Not a "perfect" or fairy-tale relationship, just one that works. Fights, disagreements, compromises, and companionship--as long as we work it all out. I want a partner in life and in parenting. I just want what I should have had in the first place.

In order to find the man I want, or let him find me, I need to "fix" myself. I need to be able to love myself, whether or not that means losing weight and changing other aspects of my life.

This is another reason why I'm not going to give up on Jillian's program. Because I *need* to do this for me and Little I and the life we could eventually have.

Okay, I'm done for now. It's bedtime and I'm not prepared to get too deep in my thoughts.

Jillian's 30 day shred: Day 3 & 4

Okay, so it's getting a little easier to do her program. Although I'm still in a bit of pain the day(s) after doing the workout.

So here is what's happening:

Still on Level 1.
Still doing some of the moves in the "modified" positions.
Still taking a few extra breaks (including the last cardio section at the end)
Still red faced and puffing at the end.


But........
I've lost 5 pounds! (I know, it's gotta be mostly water weight)
I won't measure again till it's been a week, so nothing to report there. And my clothes still fit the same, I think. Yay, good news!


Also, training for my job is going pretty good! However, I did learn that my first paycheck will only be for one week (although I will have worked 2 weeks by then) so the money issue is still stressing me out. I'm hoping my parents will let me be late on my rent. :-/

Little I is still hit and miss with the potty, but that's okay. We're not in a rush (or he isn't) so it's not a big deal.

Annnddd... Today when he went to daycare, it was the first time he didn't throw a fit! So that's double good news today!

Tonight, though, I'm tired. Who knew sitting at a desk training for a job would tire me out so much. Or maybe it's the temperatures we've been having lately. Today the "feels like" temperature was over 100⁰!!! Or it could be that Little I is testing more and more of his boundaries... and therefore keeping me on my toes and leaving me feeling exhausted. But, hey, that's a topic for another time.

And with that, it's time that I call it a night and get some sleep.

Jillian's 30 day shred: Day 2

Okay, so tonight is a no-go. I'm so sore (even after stretching and doing the "warm up" part of the workout) that I can hardly climb the stairs and there's no way I'm going to be able to take off my shirt without considerable pain.

Well, I'm not giving up. Tomorrow is a new day. Actually, it's my first day at my NEW JOB!!! All the more reason to keep up with this workout and change my life for the better; After all--being fat costs more money than being thin.

Anyway, Little I is waking up so this is going to be a short post.

I'll definitely be doing the workout tomorrow and giving an update.

Texas, I swear!

So... Apparently Little I is still into the potty thing. He's been going all day. But he's still in diapers/bumble pants. I'm not going to risk my carpet tonight.

Plus, I swear he has a bladder the size of Texas!!!! He goes every 5 minutes--and actually pees every single time. Texas, I swear!!!


+65565653
56+
^^^His additions. He only has access to the 10-key. Haha.

Anyway, that's a mini update. I'll hopefully update later with Day 2 of Jillian's 30 day shred, but I'm super SORE from last night. Crazy, since I told you I skipped some of it entirely. I must be more out of shape than I remembered. :-(

Jillian's 30 day shred: Day 1

Okay, so if you know me in real life, you know that I've struggled with my weight for a very long time. Almost half my life (and I'm 22). After I had Little I, however, things just seemed to get out of control.

I'm not going to put my weight out there, because it's way too embarrassing for me. But let's just say that I got a wake-up call this morning when I weighed myself for the first time in a few weeks. I was so upset that I decided that it's definitely time to do something, change something. First, I'm re-starting Jillian's 30 day shred. Second, I'm changing up my eating habits. Third, I'm going to get off this stupid birth control, since I maintained my weight pretty well up until I got on the depo shot. Apparently one of the side effects that I neglected to read was weight gain. -_-

Tonight (actually, I finished less than 5 minutes ago) I started the 30 day shred. Again. I've started it probably 5 times now and never stuck with it. Mostly it's because when I do the first workout, I feel so horrible about how out of shape I am in.

So tonight when I started, I got out of breath very quickly and had to take many breaks (even skipping the entire last cardio/abs section) But I'm going to keep at it and use this blog to keep me accountable. Hopefully I'll be able to tell you that the weight is dripping off soon. Let's be serious though; it's going to be hard.

Here are my beginning stats:
Height: 5'11"
Weight: ...?
Bust: 48"
Stomach: 50"
Hips: 54"
Thighs: R: 34" L: 35"
Arms: R: 19" L: 20"

Goal:
Weight: 175lbs
Bust: 40"
Stomach: 35"
Hips: 40"
Thighs: 25-30" (each)
Arms: No idea... 15-16" ?

UGH!! UGH!!! UGH!!!


I'm going to try to take before pictures tonight (probably not because I feel gross and otherwise horrible) and I'll post them when I'm done and closer to my goals.

Night all.

Wordless Wednesday 8

Rawr like a lion!

Potty Learning, Day 1

So. Today officially marks day 1 of mine and Little I's potty learning adventure. If you've been following, you've seen the beginning efforts but that failed miserably when he started refusing to use the toilet. Lately, I've stopped the "training" and started to really just listen to his cues.

Today, Little I saw a pair of his underwear in his dresser and REALLY wanted to wear them.

Yes, they match his shirt.

Of course I let him and so far we've only had one accident. I don't think he likes having to go all the way upstairs (interrupting his playtime) to go change, so hopefully this will be the start of the end of our time in diapers.

Who knows, though. this afternoon may come and he could want nothing to do with the potty or underwear. :-/ I guess it's a wait and see. :-)

More updates will (hopefully) follow tonight.



UPDATE: Okay, so this morning was a fluke. Let's just say that by the end of today, I was very glad that I have a carpet cleaner. :-/
I think there will be some more waiting for him to get ready, although if tomorrow he wants to wear underwear and go pee on the potty, that's fine by me.

Late night stream of consciousness (Rant)

So I'm sitting here and it's 11:00 at night. Not really "late night" for some people, but I'm usually in bed. Tonight, I can't sleep. I miss my bed, and I miss being able to go to sleep without wondering, "did I lock Ashley in her cage?" I'm just tired of house sitting for mom and dad and I want them to hurry on their way home. I still have all of tomorrow and probably at least half of Sunday to go. And I'm just tired of it.
Yes, I love the central air and the washer/dryer being up on the main floor and not having to go up the stairs to get Little I when he starts crying. But I'm tired of the dogs. And not having "my" stuff. Everything here is theirs and I know that if it's not perfect when they get back I'm going to get an ear full. Never mind that I put my life on hold to watch your house. Never mind that you didn't leave your house clean when you left. I'm still going to get yelled at because it's not exactly how you think it should be.
I think that next year I'm going to use my vacation to go down there and stay in a hotel, drive my own vehicle, and be on my own schedule. Of course I'll have to be there for the obligatory family meals and stuff like that, but I won't have to be worrying about messing up Little I's bedtime or nap time or being yelled at for my parenting style. Or that when I say anything that sparks an argument with B, I'm the one who gets yelled at. Let alone if I tell her how to do something for Little I, that ends with her saying, "well then I just won't ever do _____ for you anymore" (the blank being: watch him, play with him, whatever happens to be at the root of that fight at the moment) Or "You just don't appreciate me. You never say thank you." to which I reply that I do say thank you, but I say thank you to the person who actually does what she was supposed to do. (She used to watch him for me during class. She wouldn't do any of the normal things a babysitter should do (feed him, change his diaper), and then mom (or my grandma) would step in and take over).

You know what makes me mad? Back when he was a baby, I had to fight to do things for him when I was with my family. They always took him from me and would change his diaper, feed him, do whatever. Now? if he needs ANYTHING they always say, "go tell mommy". Really? Like I don't do everything on my own already. Maybe I only come here seeking some sort of reprieve? I have had him every waking hour of the day, have changed endless diapers, fixed every meal, cleaned everything that needed cleaned, and you can't find it in yourself to put some water in his cup or change his diaper when he has only peed?? (Mom will fill his cup for me if I ask and she's already in the kitchen, but it mostly ends with me going in the kitchen myself. And will SOMETIMES change his diaper if I practically force her... I get the diaper and throw him on the couch next to her)

And would it kill you to have him overnight once in a while? The last time she kept him overnight--not counting the half-night when I put him to bed and went with dad and B to the midnight premiere of Green Lantern and came home and got up with him at 6:30--was for my birthday.... in January. Or maybe it was the first Friday/Saturday of February.. I can't remember.

And even when she keeps him, it's not like I can do anything. I can't even properly sleep in because she usually wants me to pick him up at 8 or 10. When my sisters and I were growing up, my parents had every Tuesday night and ALL DAY Wednesday off in the summer. We spent the night at my grandparents' house for Grandma Day. And Mamaw and Papaw kept us whenever mom and dad wanted them to.

I get it. I got pregnant at a very inconvenient time. I had a baby out of wedlock. And everyone constantly says how "supportive" a family I have. Why? because they didn't disown me? Yes, my parents let me pay them half the rent they normally expect for my side of the rental property. However, once Justin moved out, they totally could have just let Little I and I move back in to my old room... but no, they had already given that to B.

Wow, this has really gotten off track! Not that there was a track, really. But now that Little I has woken up (briefly, I hope) It's time for me to cuddle him and go to sleep. :-)

Why my pictures are blurry.

Today's events

Today, I found out that I get to start my job on July 18th! Pretty excited! :-D

Today I signed off my cash assistance (terminated it) and don't have to be around massive quantities of Q-Tips anymore. :-D

Today, the Casey Anthony trial. 'Nuff said, right?

Well here's something you may not know:
Today, she learned when she'll be released.
Then, (also today) a tree at the site where Caylee was found was hit by lightning and split.

Obviously SOMEONE ELSE isn't happy with the "court system" right now.

And... Caylee was alive for one day less than Casey will have served in jail for her death lying to police. :-(

It's CRAZY!

Tonight my (parents') porch light is on in remembrance of Caylee Anthony.

And with that, it's time for me to be off. Little I will surely wake up sometime soon and then it'll be time for me to snuggle him and go to bed. :-)

Wordless Wednesday 7: Mommy and Little I

A progression of love...



Love at first sight. '09



Laying around '09

Fun at the park '09



Summer '10



Trip to NC '10

Off to college '10

Second Christmas '10

Dedication '11

Winter '11

Second Easter '11

Summer '11

For real? Boys play with dolls too!

So... after posting this picture on my Facebook:

This is one response I got:

Him: Did u want a daughter or something?

Me: What? No, why?

Him: Y do u have ur son playing wit dolls?

         He's a boy?

Me: Well, for one, he can play with whatever he wants to. Second, I'm house sitting for my parents, so we have the toys I brought and my little sister's toys.

Him: Ok whatever you say its ur child

Me: That's right.

And this is why I HATE stereotypes and double standards. Why is it wrong for a boy to play with dolls, and yet girls can play with cars and trucks and just about everything stereotypically labeled as a "boy" type of toy?

This is why I let Little I play with anything he wants to; from dolls and everyone's shoes--he especially loves heels--to trucks and cars and little plastic power tools. I want to raise my son to think for himself, not to let society do his thinking for him. Of course, I'm not going to go as far as to keep my son's gender a secret, but I'm not going to get mad if he wants to do "girly" things.

I love my son just the way he is--dolls and all.